In the past, I have viewed Thanksgiving as a wonderful moment to pause with family and friends and to be truly grateful for life’s many and varied blessings. That narrative is not holding up for many of us right now. But perhaps, just perhaps, we should think differently about Thanksgiving and gratitude. Just maybe, during these dark times, we could reset our focus and celebrate what’s good in our lives. Such a shift in focus could restore joy and hope.
On July 4, 1939, between a doubleheader, New York Yankees star, Lou Gehrig, slowly approached the microphone in Yankees Stadium. There was palpable sadness in the air since Gehrig’s days were numbered with a tragic diagnosis of ALS hanging over his head. What would he say to those 60,000 silent fans as they wept, awaiting the voice of their hero. Gehrig’s halting words rocked the gathered, ‘I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth.’ Here is a dying man choosing to focus on the good rather than the grim reality of those remaining few days. Similarly, when my former boss, President Ronald Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, he chose to share it with the American people rather than quietly retreat in despair. He shared his sadness over how he would burden his beloved Nancy, but quickly pivoted to share how grateful he was for the life God had afforded him to live. Grateful people do not allow their circumstances to define them.
How does one do that? Why does one do that? Perhaps, because it works. Neuroscientists tell us that gratitude changes the brain. Gratitude begets gratitude.
An important book in my life is Victor Frankl’s, Man’s Search for Meaning. As a therapist in a Nazi death camp, Frankl was struck by who survived that horrific ordeal. Oddly, it wasn’t the physically robust, but those who had a purpose beyond the concentration camp. As philosopher Fredrick Nietzsche wrote decades back, “He who has a why can bear almost any how.” It’s all about whether you have a purpose beyond your circumstance, your health, your balance sheet, the state of your children, etc.
Professor Paul Dolan in his book, Happiness by Design, observes that, “the key to being happier is to pay more attention to what makes you happy and less attention to what does not.” In other words, you become what you focus upon, what makes life worth living. Remember, there are so many in the world who would love to have our worst days. So, let’s celebrate this Thanksgiving, even if it’s different, lower key and apart from our families and friends. Still, we are blessed.
This note was found in the pocket of a dead infantryman after a horrific Civil War battle. For me, it encapsulates how I want to remind myself that by embracing life’s seeming contradictions and disappointments, we often discover a deeper joy than we thought possible. His note:
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life,
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but got everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered;
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.
Carpe Diem. Doug.